My sermon title is from Bishop Desmond Tutu’s book No Future Without Forgiveness. Which needs to be required reading, not only for every diplomat in the world, but all school children. We will explore the book later in the sermon.
There are, in our lives, many awful things that happen to us as individuals. No human being is exempt from pain. Poor or rich or anywhere in between, pain is like rain, it comes and goes in our lives. We never know when it will come or how long it will stay.
Suffering, philosophers say, is part of the human condition. All religions have something to say about it. There are many causes of human suffering. Mental illness, physical illness, and traumatic accidents are all sources of emotional pain and suffering. Suffering is also caused by scarcity of natural resources or catastrophes of nature.
Today, though, I want us to consider, not the suffering caused by circumstances or conditions, but the suffering caused by human behavior.
When people cause others to suffer, it is because they learned how to make others suffer...
Does a parent wake up one day and say to herself, “I think I will beat my child today.” Does a person make a conscious decision to be hateful to her or his family does? Or “rage” every time she or he has a disagreement with her or his spouse?
No. We learn our behavior from our families and caregivers. We learn how to behave and we behave the way we are taught.
It is that way with human culture, too. Some nations are more war-like than other nations. Some countries, like Cambodia and Myanmar, perpetrate systemic violence and oppression on their own people. Sometimes, like in Bosnia, entire ethnic populations are “cleansed.” Another example is the Kurds. And then, like in Rwanda, we see revenge. In many countries in the world, the fabric of the culture is a blanket of “honor and shame.” Every aspect of public and private life is carried on to honor the patriarchal lineage. If anything conspires to “shame” the patriarchs, then revenge must be taken to regain the lost honor. It is individual and it is cultural. It is not a matter of “Will there be revenge killing?” it is a matter of when and how many to kill.
Sociologists tell us that the United States, because we had to fight for the right to be independent, and because we had a “frontier” to explore and settle, that we have a “cowboy mentality.” Because we have been blessed by abundant resources and have been a wealthy country, this cowboy mentality has led us, not only to be generous with food and financial aid to other countries, but also to be generous with our military power—and all that entails.
Just as people learn behavior, cultures learn behavior.
There is an on-going question: whether humankind is a peaceful race that feels compelled to perpetrate war; or whether humanity is a war-like race that yearns for peace. Essentially, it does not matter, because if we do not find a way to peaceful co-existence on our planet, we will, someday, all be at war, again.
Michael E. McCullough in his book Beyond Revenge The Evolution of the Forgiveness Instinct wrote,
“… the future of humanity may very well rest on our ability to control revenge and promote forgiveness.”
As those who see themselves as disenfranchised and diminished get angrier…
As those who see modernity as the ultimate evil become more incensed with popular culture…
We will have to worry about their desire for revenge.
The title of one of Bishop Tutu’s books says it all, No Future Without Forgiveness.
How do we stop the violence and the revenge? Tutu says it is through forgiveness and reconciliation. He wrote,
“To work for reconciliation is to want to realize God’s dream for humanity—when we will know that we are indeed members of one family, bound together in a delicate network of interdependence.”
McCullough tells us that the instinct for forgiveness is kin to the instinct to help others. The closer we are genetically, the more we are inclined to help and to forgive. The challenge then in forgiveness is forgiving those to whom we are not related. It is possible, McCullough writes, if there are sincere apologies, non-verbal behavior that is consistent with remorse, and compensation.
Sincere apologies
Sincere remorse and
Compensation
All of these were part of the Truth and Reconciliation process of South Africa. Bishop Tutu believes that the process there is a cultural model for all of us—all of humankind. And we know, that it is through our culture that we learn our behavior. Tutu writes,
“Reconciliation is liable to be a long-drawn-out process with ups and downs, not something accomplished overnight and certainly not by a commission, however effective… Reconciliation has to be a national project to which all earnestly strive …by learning the language and culture of others, by being willing to making amends; by refusing to deal in stereotypes … by working for a more inclusive society …”
The challenge for the world then is
Who apologizes first?
Who admits to be the perpetrator of pain and suffering?
Who recognizes who as the victim?
When the planes flew into the world trade center what would have been a response that could have brought about reconciliation rather than war? At what point, when and where and how, does it begin?
We live in a world where many of those who kill and oppress others would never admit to any wrongdoing? Look at Somalia. Their civil war has torn their country apart and caused millions of people death, disease, displacement, and disability. The woundedness of the country cannot even be understood by outsiders. Yet, each warring faction believes they are the “true” government of Somalia.
The answers of these hard questions can only begin to be answered when, as human beings we recognize that we are one, and that will happen when the pain is too great to be separated from each other.
What happens when friends or a couple quarrels? When do they make up? I recently read a story of a mature woman who had not spoken to her parents in over thirty years. They had argued one day, and she left their home, believing that she would never return. Then, one day, she received a card in the mail, the handwriting was frail, it was from her father, and it simply said, “I am sorry.”
There is no worse country in the Twentieth Century who abused human and civil right than South Africa. I will read from No Future…, but I will not read the stories from the victims because you ought to read it for yourselves, and I highly recommend the Bishop’s book, and, because we all have seen what apartheid did to the South African peoples. I am going to read a letter from an ordinary citizen who wrote to Bishop Tutu during the Truth and Reconciliation Commission hearings.
“’As an ordinary member of the public, I would like you to know that I have been intensely moved and inspired by the testimonies heard at the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in East London last week. My pain and inspiration have come from the awesome, horrific, and humbling stories and the extraordinary forgiveness of those wounded people. We are all wounded. I wrote a poem to try and understand what all this means and I would like you to know that there are many people out there who feel with those people. The pain belongs to us all. Thank you, all of you, for your own humanity and for helping us all towards healing.’
“’The world is wept.
Blood and pain seep into our listening; into our wounded souls.
The sound of your sobbing is my own weeping;
Your wet handkerchief my pillow for a past so exhausted it cannot rest—not yet.
Speak, weep, look, listen for us all.
Oh, people of the silent hidden past, let your stories scatter seeds into our lonely frightened winds.
Sow more, until the stillness of this land can soften, can dare to hope and smile and sing;
Until the ghost can dance unshackled, until our lives can know your sorrows
And be healed’”
When the pain of separation becomes too much for us as people of different cultures that is when we will be able to reconcile and become one. If it happened in South African and El Salvador, there is hope for the world. Even in Rwanda, where the Hutu extremists killed almost a million Tutsis, there is some forgiveness and reconciliation work going on.
When the pain of separation from his daughter was too much for the frail on father, he wrote that note that said, simply, “I am sorry.” And the sincerity of the message meant reconciliation for the daughter and her parents.
Jesus taught us to forgive, not only our “prodigal sons,” but our enemies. On the cross with arms outstretched, in pain and fear and love he said, “Father, forgive them.”
Let us not create a world that will destroy itself before the pain of separation brings us together.
For reconciliation to happen, ALL must participate, ALL must be remorseful, ALL must forgive, and ALL must work toward wholeness. We must see each other with the eyes of God. We must see each other with our hearts.
Amen and blessed be.
Reading I
Excerpt from “Forgiveness: An Essay Poem” by Gururattan Kaur Khalsa, Ph.D. found on the internet
The answer, my children, is FORGIVENESS.
Forgiveness is often born out of the depths of
hopelessness
despair
sorrow
grief
loss
pain.
When there are no other options available
to escape our anguish
to find peace of mind
to reach resolution
to heal our pain
we discover that the only way to find solace is
to move beyond our accusations and judgments
to transcend our opinions and limited perspectives
to transmute our negative emotions
into higher vibrations
to make a quantum shift
into another dimension of being.
Eventually we reach a point where forgiveness is our only choice.
For there is no resolution without forgiveness.
It is only through forgiveness that the illusions of
fear
pain and
separation
are removed.
Unconditional forgiveness is required to open our hearts.
Only when our hearts are open can we
experience the reality of Universal Love.
Reading II
Excerpt from Desmond Tutu's book No Future Without Forgiveness
Forgiving and being reconciled are not about pretending that things are other than they are. It is not patting one another on the back and turning a blind eye to the wrong. True reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the pain, the degradation, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end dealing with the real situation helps to bring real healing. Spurious reconciliation can bring only spurious healing....
In forgiving, people are not being asked to forget.... Forgiveness does not mean condoning what has been done. It means taking what happened seriously and not minimizing it; drawing out the sting in the memory that threatens to poison our entire existence. It involves trying to understand the perpetrators and so have empathy, to try to stand in their shoes and appreciate the sorts of pressures and influences that might have conditioned them.
Forgiveness is not being sentimental.... Forgiving means abandoning your right to pay back the perpetrator in his own coin, but it is a loss that liberates the victim.... In the act of forgiveness we are declaring our faith in the future of a relationship and in the capacity of the wrongdoer to make a new beginning.... It is an act of faith that the wrongdoer can change.
Readings
Forgiving and being reconciled are not about pretending that things are other than they are. It is not patting one another on the back and turning a blind eye to the wrong. True reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the pain, the degradation, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end dealing with the real situation helps to bring real healing. Spurious reconciliation can bring only spurious healing....
In forgiving, people are not being asked to forget.... Forgiveness does not mean condoning what has been done. It means taking what happened seriously and not minimizing it; drawing out the sting in the memory that threatens to poison our entire existence. It involves trying to understand the perpetrators and so have empathy, to try to stand in their shoes and appreciate the sorts of pressures and influences that might have conditioned them.
Forgiveness is not being sentimental.... Forgiving means abandoning your right to pay back the perpetrator in his own coin, but it is a loss that liberates the victim.... In the act of forgiveness we are declaring our faith in the future of a relationship and in the capacity of the wrongdoer to make a new beginning.... It is an act of faith that the wrongdoer can change.
Posted by UNMC Office at October 28, 2008 12:00 PM