Purple Bracelet, Purple Bracelet, Purple Bracelet.
I've changed mine several times since I put it on this past Saturday in preparation for my sermon on "Creating a Complaint Free World."
We have a lot of Purple Bracelets at the church. If you missed Sunday, July 26, service, the next time you come to church, pick one up. It comes with a 21-day challenge.
Can you go 21 days without complaining?
That's what we are all asking each other to do. We are hoping we'll be part of a movement to change the world! If you accept the challenge to go 21 days without complaining, then, when you find yourself complaining, you have to change the Purple Bracelet from the wrist it is on to the other wrist. The bracelet reminds you NOT to complain, and you have to go 21 days without changing the bracelet from one wrist to the other.
A couple of years ago, I got a big, manila envelope here at the church, and inside was this book A Complaint Free World-How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted. Over the last couple of years I asked other UU minister if they had gotten the book, and all of them had said, "No." A very few had heard of it. All said it must be interesting.
Hum. I got on the web and went first to the website of the Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, Missouri. It was a sermon that Will Bowen had recently preached and many stories about how the sermon affected him and his congregation. Sounded pretty good. I read the book, parts of it several times, and put on the Purple Bracelet.
"Complain" in Webster's is an expression of grief, pain, discontentment. To complain then is to express grief, pain, discontent. There are legitimate times when we need to express grief, pain, and discontent. Grief and pain over loss of life, love, and family. Discontent with how one's jobs, goals, and perhaps gym work-outs are going. Even discontent on how the children's grades are!
This is not complaining: Waiter, my soup is cold; could you please bring me another cup of vegetable soup that is hot?
This is complaining: How dare you serve me cold soup! Are you the incompetent coming out of the kitchen, or is the cook still in there? I want my soup now, hot, can you understand that?
Research shows that most people complain fifteen to thirty times a day. The challenge is not to shut up and suck it up. The challenge is to create a complaint free world with more healthy communication. Complain directly to and only to the person with whom you have an issue. But make sure it is positive and affirming-the healthier communication. Complaining in a negative way is not healthy communication.
Rev. Will Bowen said there are five ways complaining is destructive in our lives.
1. Complaining is about getting attention. You are sitting around a
small group. Work, church, at the dog park with your dog. When you complain, you get attention. For some reason, we like complaining. We like to do it, and we like to hear from other people, about other people. Some of us, who have a spouse, partner, respond to them with complaints. "Honey, how was your day?" "I had a horrible headache all day." "I have a headache from the horrible traffic." Does it get you attention? Yes, it is positive? Does it affirm and make joyful your relationship with your spouse?
2. Complaining allows us to avoid taking action. I saw a
communications company commercial on television complaining about Direct TV.
They have no solution to their problem so a member of the team says, "Let's play the blame game. I blame Elaine."
Complaining is focusing on the wrong things and avoiding action.
3. Complaining is a pre-excuse for poor performance. Bowen said, "If a
co-worker comes to work complaining that he got no sleep last night because the baby was up all night, s/he might as well say, 'don't expect anything from me today!'"
4. Complaining is bragging. Complaining about the other person says,
"She's wearing the same dress. It looks awful on her."
"Look at the way he drives. Crazy. Hey why don't you watch where you're going," and they can't even hear you. "Idiot." What are we really saying?
I'm a better driver. I wouldn't do that.
5. Complaining gives you control over the other person. It gives you a
"one-up." At work, if you say to someone your report was just what we needed, the boss was there, too; but, the model you used was wrong. Another one would have been better.
When you put on the Purple Bracelet, what happens is simple and powerful.
You become,
More patient
More kind
More gentle
Happier, happier, happier!
There are many witnesses at the website complaintfreeworld.org and in Rev.
Bowen's book.
They say, "Start over," "always start over," "don't give up."
See you in Church, Pastor Lillie